Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize