i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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