forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
