I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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