This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
send nudes
from the living room?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize