John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
