oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm too high and old for this...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize