he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She's the barista slut.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
