Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
