I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
