I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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