ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
