DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
