I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
