Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
