Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
