it wasn't lemon gatorade
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
