didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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