It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
