You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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