"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize