I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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