she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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