so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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