booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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