my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize