I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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