I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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