if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
