She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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