But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize