dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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