I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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