I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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