I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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