i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
