it hurts more in the daytime
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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