i think my tv is drunk
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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