Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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