bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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