guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
