I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
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