I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
