I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
