Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize