You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
