i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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