I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
