Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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