dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
