Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
