I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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