Betty ford says i'm here all night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
