There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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