i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
This toilet bowl is my home.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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