I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
