Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
