He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
