finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
