I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
