when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
