you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
