just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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