I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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